Giving a convenient shot in the arm to the on-again, off-again efforts to pass a “food safety bill,” the Department of Homeland Security is said to be looking into a plot by al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) to poison all you can eat buffets and salad bars.
The plot, which was revealed by CBS, is said to involve slipping small amounts of poison into food at buffets, the latest in a long series of ridiculous sounding plots that have been hyped by the organization.
AQAP has been quite keen to come up with such plots and they have been eagerly reported by certain press outlets as major threats to the nation. A previous AQAP magazine article revealed the idea of welding a bunch of swords to the front of a Ford 4×4 truck and driving it into a nearby crowd of civilians.
That magazine also floated the idea of a shooting in a random restaurant somewhere around the DC area. Neither happened, but they seem to be extremely well suited to scaring the public into the idea that they are facing imminent attack at any given time.
11 thoughts on “DHS: Terrorists Might Poison Buffets”
I'm sure AQAP has shares in the pizza home delivery service industry.
"A previous AQAP magazine article revealed the idea of welding a bunch of swords to the front of a Ford 4×4 truck and driving it into a nearby crowd of civilians."
That's kinda retro Dr. Evil awesome. An adapted Persians Scythed Chariot.
No more Chinese buffet for me! ROFL!
This truly belongs in the WTF? archives of madness. One thing about Capitalists/Empire, there's a hidden agenda behind everything and that is never more obvious than in the "terror" fearmongering campaign. I know there's something behind this that entails one or both of these things: money and government control. But what is the angle? I seriously doubt that they're trying to get the fat hypnotized Amerikan cows to lose weight this way. Something is behind this but I just can't put my finger on it. I have no doubts, however, that the motive will to light by itself soon enough. Let's just wait and see.
Hey, this is a great way to get fat-ass Amerikans to lose some much needed weight. They should be thanking Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden for worrying about their dietary concerns. It's a dirty job but I guess someone's gotta do it. And if the FDA and Monsanto don't do it, someone's gotta. Ha ha!
What a comedy routine this country has become!
Just in time for Xmas and right on cue. It's al-Qaeda! Okay America run and pee your panties like good little sheeple.
Amazing. AQAP has teamed up with DHS to suck the last bit of life out of the US. And such a marvelous plan. First it was 911. That actually cost AQ half a million dollars on the debit side, but it got the GWOT going, gave birth to two wars costing the US a couple of trillion (and counting), bumped the US "intelligence" budget from 15 billion to 80 billion per year, and spawned the TSA.
Then came the bargain basement plots: the shoe bomber "failed", but every American air traveler now has to do the shoe inspection cha cha. Then the explosive liquids plot was revealed, and it's no more carry-on shampoo or Perrier or Pepto Bismol. Then the Underware Bomber "failed", and we get "scope and grope". Then the ink-cartridge cargo bomb plot didn't actually blow anything up, but god only knows what sort of pricey inspection protocol that will provoke. All the while the DHS sense of self-importance swells as does their budget, by additional billions. Major ROI successes by AQW (al Quaeda Wherever).
And as others have noted, can't wait for The Suppository Bomber, who stands up in economy class, drops his pants, and tries light the fuse hanging out his backside. The non-jihadi passengers will no doubt tackle the guy, and then some brave soul will tunnel up his butt to extinguish the fuse. I'm flippin' lovin' it. It's like a game show: Stupid Amercans: How stupid? Let's find out!"
Now it's the one-little-click-will-do-it, bargain basement, internet-dream-up-some-scary-shit terror jihad! No muss no fuss just blog up a nightmare and hit send"
Meanwhile — have you heard? — back at the security checkpoint, DHS tests on screening effectiveness have shown 80% of knives, guns, and bombs pass through undetected. Yippee! We're screwed. Again. (And again, and again, and again…)
Here's an update for my post above:
I went looking for the article I recently read that stated the 80% figure — I was wrong, actually. It's greater than 90%.– for missed knives, guns, and explosives. I found the link: http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/loaded-gun-slips-pa… — and went to it — but guess what — ABC News had removed the paragraph with the failure numbers. Still, the net never forgets. It was cached at:
Here's the excised paragraph:
"And according to the same ABC News report, Seif’s case is hardly isolated. Undercover agents who conducted a test at Newark Liberty International Airport in 2006 found that they were able to get concealed bombs through the screening system more than 90 percent of the time. And similar outcomes have occurred at various other airports as well, including Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport and Los Angeles International Airport."
There you have it Jeff, a full confession of who has been terrifying our country all along,Undercover Agents.
The experts a Wikipedia say poisoning buffets has already been done by Hindu extremist cult Rajneeshpuram:
Sheela was extradited from Germany and imprisoned for these crimes, as well as for her role in infecting the salad bars of several restaurants in The Dalles (the county seat of Wasco County) with salmonella, poisoning over 750 (including several Wasco County public officials) and sending 45 people to the hospital. Known as the 1984 Rajneeshee bioterror attack, the incident is regarded as the largest germ warfare attack in the history of the United States. These blatantly criminal activities had, according to the Office of the Attorney General, begun in the spring of 1984, three years after the establishment of the commune.
Oh, this can't be right- someone other than Muslims having to take the fall for a terrorist attack? UNTHINKABLE.
But wait- were these classed as 'criminal activities' or 'terrorist attacks'? Ahhhh you see, the scare factor of the terminology makes ALL the difference.
"Akhmed Z.-, a naturalized Pakistani Muslim, was allegedly changing a flat tire when his tire iron was struck by a car passing too closely to the road shoulder. The tire iron imbedded itself in the passenger side door of the vehicle, frightening the driver and causing the car to swerve and run into and embankment. No injuries were reported, but to date there has been no confirmation or denial of any connection between Mr. Z.- and foreign terrorist groups."
The above is obviously a complete fabrication, but you see how easy it is to implicate someone in terrorist activities without a specific accusation. In these times, just the mere hint that someone 'might have ties' to an extremist group is enough- in some places, enough to get you killed and dumped in a lake. It's a beautiful world, isn't it?
I refuse to take the AQAP scare seriously until they come up with a way to mount lasers on shark's heads.
I also refuse to take the DHS seriously until they come up with a way to train dolphins to foil shark-head mounted laser terrorist attacks.
Come to think of it, though…. if a few laser-equipped sharks get through, how can we be sure the guard dolphins assigned to stop them haven't been compromised and are terrorist sleeper agents bent on the destruction of our nation?
Does this mean congress will shut down their buffets? Or will they use prisoners to sample the freedom fries?
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