State Dept: Iranian Space Monkey ‘of Serious Concern’
Experts Say Space Monkey Poses No Military Threat to US
The US State Department has reacted to yesterday’s reports of the successful launching of a space monkey by Iran and its subsequent return to Earth by condemning the news, saying it might conceivably violate one of the many United Nations bans imposed on Iran.
“If they have launched anything using ballistic missile technology, it’s of serious concern,” insisted State Dept. spokeswoman Victoria Nuland. The Israeli government has already dismissed the reports, saying space monkey is little more than a publicity stunt.
Iran says that the launch was aimed at testing their life support systems in a suborbital environment, and that space monkey was successfully returned home to Earth safely, dubbing it a first step toward putting humans into space.
Despite the State Department’s reaction, experts say that space monkey poses no real military threat to the United States, with Harvard astrophysicist Dr. Johnathan McDowell saying the rocket was old technology and “useful only for doing astronaut stuff.”
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mojo
January 29th, 2013 at 11:23 pm
They are so paranoid that they think..,this project might become monkeys taking over the earth staring with Hollywood or Washington invaded by the Iranian developed monkeys from space… Are you kidding me…,
JoaoAlfaiate
January 30th, 2013 at 3:18 am
Time for our daily five minutes of hate against Iran.
paulBass
January 30th, 2013 at 5:41 am
the stupidity is really frightening,
1957 – sputnik
at the same time computers were the size of houses, now they are a million times more powerful and in everyone's pockets.
the fact that private space travel does not exist today is just proof of all the wasted wealth,
i think i once heard, i believe neil degrass tyson, say something along the lines of
for less than the cost of the iraq war, we could have built and sent a real mission to mars, and not just a man riding a rocket, but a real fleet of ships,with redundancy and self sufficiency, meant to be able to establish the seeds of permanent settlement on mars.
what we got for a trillion dollars instead?
gwot for the grandchildren
ML3
January 30th, 2013 at 8:31 am
Victoria Nuland is our paranoid little pet space monkey. Gargling on Robert Kagan will do that to anyone.
peter vojta
January 30th, 2013 at 11:09 am
I wish one day soon Iran would "successful launch leading Zionist terrorists into space". But not together with monkey! Monkey would surely not survive 200 years planet trip and it would be tragedy…peter czech
baz
January 30th, 2013 at 11:10 am
that monkey is going to become supersmart and take over the world.
jesse
January 30th, 2013 at 12:37 pm
At least they broought it back alive, it wasn't a one way death trip like the poor Russian dog years ago. I give the Iranians a thumbs up for not killing animals
Yonatan
January 30th, 2013 at 2:06 pm
Yeah, but what if they strap a suicide belt to the monkey after training it to parachute onto a target. It could do some serious damage to the US infrastructure. The US should start an urgent program of building an anti-monkey missile defensive shield. It should be called BONZO. We can't sleep safely until we have this protective shield.
AngelaKeaton
January 30th, 2013 at 2:13 pm
"Victoria Nuland is one paranoid little space monkey. Gargling on Bobby Kagan will do that to you."
Edited by moderator for comedic timing.
Mike Ehling
January 30th, 2013 at 3:32 pm
No protests yet from PETA?
jagsfanugh
January 30th, 2013 at 5:37 pm
Like previously stated in another article. It's not about nuclear or ballistic missile testing/launching/having. It is about change in government to be more west friendly. All these fluff articles are about brainwashing the sheeple.
xjlm
January 30th, 2013 at 7:39 pm
Was the monkey really named Obama?
paulBass
January 31st, 2013 at 4:55 am
p.s you know the monkey is Iranian cause it is wearing a suite but no tie